I've discovered that before I can really focus on my homework, I have to get out all the things that are floating around in my mind. I'm sitting in Starbucks while I write this. It's not Caribou, but it's the closest thing I have. I'm sure you'll begin to see my obsession with Caribou Coffee as you get to know me through my writings. Anyway, I'm eating a warm doughnut and a caramel machiatto. All my senses are engaged in glorious ways as I am writing this. It's a dark, dreary day, I'm feeling kind of blah, but I have a certain excitement in me for the things to come. I'm looking forward to this quarter ending, the cruise I'm going on at the end of the quarter, new interesting classes, my friend is moving in with me, then next year I'm going to be a Graduate Assistant in my counseling program and I start seeing clients. Those are only the big things coming up. There are a lot of smaller things that I'm looking forward to like finding a home church and really building a family of friends around me. I've begun that process, but I desire to have so many friends that I don't know what to do with myself. Part of that is getting out and meeting people and then the other part is building the relationship. If I don't know you well, I would like to!
I've really been taking a look at how I go about having friendships. I have realized that in many ways I have been a people pleaser. I haven't stood up to people when something they did bothered me. I just let it slide right by until it ends up under my skin. I've started to ask myself, why am I so afraid to stand up to people? Why am I so afraid of confrontation? Doesn't it make relationships stronger when you can deal with disagreements in a healthy way? To me, healthy means letting concerns be known and working through them. I think a lot of what I struggle with in relationships comes back to how I feel about myself. Am I important enough to bring up this concern? Do I have worth in this person's eyes? I really do care what people think, but it is to my detriment sometimes. It is the end of the world if not everyone likes me? No... it's not. I don't want people not to like me but if standing up for what I believe in and confronting people when I am being wronged means they won't, then so be it.
The word, "confrontation," is scary. I don't have many good images of what it looks like. For some reason, a cat fight between two girls pulling each other's hair out and scratching each other is what comes to mind. "He's mine!" "No, he's mine!" Etc. I certainly don't want that. I think confrontation can be gentle. It doesn't have to be scary at all. I've been known to run from confrontation and I know people who have. Maybe we should ask ourselves, why are we running? Wouldn't my relationship with this person be better if I listened to what they have to say? It's something to think about.
*Question for Guys*
One form of confrontation I've been thinking about lately is between guys and girls. I have a question for guys in general, but especially Christian guys, what are you thinking about when it comes to asking a girl out? What are the things that must be there in order for you to ask her out? How long do you wait before asking her out? Do you do it right away or do you wait to get to know her a bit? I have these questions because I've been talking to a lot of my female friends lately and most of us could use some input on how the mind of guys works in this area. I personally think guys are confusing in this area. Most of you guys are hard to read and you don't always ask girls out when you're interested. It would be so much easier if guys were clear about their intentions. I honestly think that in Christian dating circles, dating is way too overspiritualized. (To be clear, I use the term dating to mean dating with the purpose of marriage in mind) Of course, I believe it's important to follow God's guidance, but there comes a point where it's your choice to ask the girl out. Asking a girl out for coffee is not the same as proposing. There is entirely too much pressure there that does not need to be there.
I want to encourage guys to take the leap and ask the girl out. It's alright if she says no. There are so many amazing single girls out there that I wish guys would take the chance and get to know them. I'll include myself in that category. It's kind of hard to get to know guys sometimes and that's frustrating. I do have a question for the women as well...
*Question for the Ladies* (Men feel free too...)
Okay, so we desire a man to pursue us... but, what do we do when that's not happening? I personally am somewhat of a natural leader which means I have hard time waiting for a guy to make the move. When I want something to get done, or a relationship to happen in this case, I don't like leaving it in someone else's hands. I have asked guys out in the past and I don't necessarily see anything wrong with letting a guy know how you feel, but I want to be pursued. I want to be so intriguing to a young man that he can't hold back from pursuing me. I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling this way. Being patient in this area is not my forte. I've been asking myself why. If I believe that God knows me, He knows my desires and He wants to give me the desires of my heart, why am I so impatient? Why do I carry the burden of having to say something or do something to get a relationship to happen? Maybe part of this impatience comes from being single for a little over 4 years now. Even before that I've had one official boyfriend for a short time.
I've never been with a significant other during Christmas, my birthday or really any other big holiday. I've never been in love. I desire these things a lot. I desire to be known by a man and to know him. I want to cook dinner for my man, bake him cookies, go on adventures, share stories, laughter and Christmas gifts. I desire these things so much that it's hard to be patient. I know I'm only 23, but people start dating as young as 13 these days. I know that's not serious at that age, but I've been in the dating scene for about 10 years. I feel like I've been desiring these things for a long time. I trust that it will happen, hopefully sooner than later, but it's hard waiting. I don't like not having control over an area in my life. It's a good thing God knows me better than I know myself and he knows my future husband. I love the idea of God writing my love story because then it will be better than anything I could have dreamed off myself.
One thing I want to reiterate for many single women out there, let's live our lives while we wait! I know having a husband (or boyfriend or really a prospect) is a huge desire, but there are so many things to do before that while we're single. Personally, I have been learning a ton about my identity and not letting it come from what other people think. I want to stand firm in who I am and not get all my self-worth from a man. My worth comes from the God who made me. That worth can never be taken away from me. I could talk forever on this topic, but I won't. I encourage men to ask women out, I encourage women to take a chance with a guy who may not have initially caught your attention and I encourage all of us to live each day at a time. I'm learning to be in the moment, the here and now. My future is not in my hands, but this moment is.
"13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in that secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the Earth, 16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." - Psalm 139: 13-16
I've really been taking a look at how I go about having friendships. I have realized that in many ways I have been a people pleaser. I haven't stood up to people when something they did bothered me. I just let it slide right by until it ends up under my skin. I've started to ask myself, why am I so afraid to stand up to people? Why am I so afraid of confrontation? Doesn't it make relationships stronger when you can deal with disagreements in a healthy way? To me, healthy means letting concerns be known and working through them. I think a lot of what I struggle with in relationships comes back to how I feel about myself. Am I important enough to bring up this concern? Do I have worth in this person's eyes? I really do care what people think, but it is to my detriment sometimes. It is the end of the world if not everyone likes me? No... it's not. I don't want people not to like me but if standing up for what I believe in and confronting people when I am being wronged means they won't, then so be it.
The word, "confrontation," is scary. I don't have many good images of what it looks like. For some reason, a cat fight between two girls pulling each other's hair out and scratching each other is what comes to mind. "He's mine!" "No, he's mine!" Etc. I certainly don't want that. I think confrontation can be gentle. It doesn't have to be scary at all. I've been known to run from confrontation and I know people who have. Maybe we should ask ourselves, why are we running? Wouldn't my relationship with this person be better if I listened to what they have to say? It's something to think about.
*Question for Guys*
One form of confrontation I've been thinking about lately is between guys and girls. I have a question for guys in general, but especially Christian guys, what are you thinking about when it comes to asking a girl out? What are the things that must be there in order for you to ask her out? How long do you wait before asking her out? Do you do it right away or do you wait to get to know her a bit? I have these questions because I've been talking to a lot of my female friends lately and most of us could use some input on how the mind of guys works in this area. I personally think guys are confusing in this area. Most of you guys are hard to read and you don't always ask girls out when you're interested. It would be so much easier if guys were clear about their intentions. I honestly think that in Christian dating circles, dating is way too overspiritualized. (To be clear, I use the term dating to mean dating with the purpose of marriage in mind) Of course, I believe it's important to follow God's guidance, but there comes a point where it's your choice to ask the girl out. Asking a girl out for coffee is not the same as proposing. There is entirely too much pressure there that does not need to be there.
I want to encourage guys to take the leap and ask the girl out. It's alright if she says no. There are so many amazing single girls out there that I wish guys would take the chance and get to know them. I'll include myself in that category. It's kind of hard to get to know guys sometimes and that's frustrating. I do have a question for the women as well...
*Question for the Ladies* (Men feel free too...)
Okay, so we desire a man to pursue us... but, what do we do when that's not happening? I personally am somewhat of a natural leader which means I have hard time waiting for a guy to make the move. When I want something to get done, or a relationship to happen in this case, I don't like leaving it in someone else's hands. I have asked guys out in the past and I don't necessarily see anything wrong with letting a guy know how you feel, but I want to be pursued. I want to be so intriguing to a young man that he can't hold back from pursuing me. I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling this way. Being patient in this area is not my forte. I've been asking myself why. If I believe that God knows me, He knows my desires and He wants to give me the desires of my heart, why am I so impatient? Why do I carry the burden of having to say something or do something to get a relationship to happen? Maybe part of this impatience comes from being single for a little over 4 years now. Even before that I've had one official boyfriend for a short time.
I've never been with a significant other during Christmas, my birthday or really any other big holiday. I've never been in love. I desire these things a lot. I desire to be known by a man and to know him. I want to cook dinner for my man, bake him cookies, go on adventures, share stories, laughter and Christmas gifts. I desire these things so much that it's hard to be patient. I know I'm only 23, but people start dating as young as 13 these days. I know that's not serious at that age, but I've been in the dating scene for about 10 years. I feel like I've been desiring these things for a long time. I trust that it will happen, hopefully sooner than later, but it's hard waiting. I don't like not having control over an area in my life. It's a good thing God knows me better than I know myself and he knows my future husband. I love the idea of God writing my love story because then it will be better than anything I could have dreamed off myself.
One thing I want to reiterate for many single women out there, let's live our lives while we wait! I know having a husband (or boyfriend or really a prospect) is a huge desire, but there are so many things to do before that while we're single. Personally, I have been learning a ton about my identity and not letting it come from what other people think. I want to stand firm in who I am and not get all my self-worth from a man. My worth comes from the God who made me. That worth can never be taken away from me. I could talk forever on this topic, but I won't. I encourage men to ask women out, I encourage women to take a chance with a guy who may not have initially caught your attention and I encourage all of us to live each day at a time. I'm learning to be in the moment, the here and now. My future is not in my hands, but this moment is.
"13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in that secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the Earth, 16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." - Psalm 139: 13-16
Ugh, I wrote a really long and detailed response to this but google was being stupid and I lost it all. Now I dont really feel like writing it all again. sorry.
ReplyDeletehaha... alrighty, maybe you could just tell me your response next time you see me or something.
ReplyDelete